Dear "Dad"

Dear "Dad" Here it is 1am and I cant sleep. There are some thing Im wondering. Could you explain to me how it's fair that you can destroy my childhood, my teenage years, and most of my adulthood? You've caused me many nights of no sleep due to nightmares, countless neurotic quirks(had to sleep with my bedroom door locked til my mid 20s), countless trips to a therapist, and the meds I'm on so I don't lose my fucking mind. All due to your heinous actions towards me for 12 years. 12 fucking years that were supposed to be the best years of my life are tainted. You made me feel disgusting and full of shame. I hated myself because of you. Instead of protecting me, you abused me. Yet to this day you sit living your white picket fence life and I sit living wondering what's wrong with me and why I was dealt these cards. I fucking hate you. I hope that your death is slow and as painful as the years you made me lose.

What to do

What do you do when you dont feel the spark, the click, the jene se qua?? I remember the spark with an ex, but he was a jerk.. Now Im with a super nice person but I dont feel the earth move like I did with my ex.. Is there something wrong with me?? Am I over analyzing things.. Someone give me a sign please!!!!

The Only Coldplay song I like

You know youre gay when you listen to Coldplay.. Coldplay is not my cup of tea by any means but I cant help but love their song 'Fix You' The part where he sings 'tears stream down your face' and the build up to it just moves me.. So I am gonna share it with you all.. Thanks SYTYCD for reminding me how much I love this song...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Imagine there was no religion

So here I am on a Sat night writing a blog entry.. I know my life is sooo exciting.. Im sitting here wondering about peoples ignorance considering its 2010.. I was reading CNN at work Friday night (cause I had like 6 refills to do and 2 hrs to do it) and read that the Today show is going to allow LBGT couples to participate in their wedding contest which I think is wonderful because Love is Love regardless of gender.. Needless to say when I was reading the comments it brought out the idiots as I call them in full force and the 1st thing brought up to justify its wrong was The Bible.. Now I get people need faith and things to believe in but to use it to persecute a group of people is completely disgusting.. I thought 'Christians' were to love thy neighbor and blah blah.. Apparently not if your gay.. Jesus dont like the gays according to the hard right.. Im sorry but if you believe God created everything then why did he create murderers, pedophiles, disease, and all the bad things in the world?? Or do you just take a blind side to that because your afraid of modern society.. Yes Im a fruit fly(for those not current on the gay lingo it means she who has many gay friends though she is straight) and I attend gay pride, go to gay bars, but I dont discriminate who my friends on who they love and have sex with as long as that person is a good person.. So what are Christians so afraid of when it comes to the gays??

1st Blog

Its been years since Ive had a blog.. I mean yeah Ive had the random myspace post.. But seriously who uses myspace anymore, plus I always think Im going to offend someone with my pro-gay (though Im the token straight) anti-religion(I mean Jesus is a zombie, think about it) views.. I'll post things that piss me off at work, things that make me happy (yay boyfriend!) and just random things that I ponder about (no matter how disgusting).. This is just an avenue to let things out.. So if youre expecting high browed intellectualism youre totally in the wrong place..